I'm not liking it. Not one bit. I'm not liking the fact that Austin is a Senior. Nope. It just isn't sitting well with me.
Yesterday, Austin and I went to visit the University of Akron. As Austin and I were driving yesterday, it struck me that I absolutely want him to stay home. Well, at least another year or two. It also struck me that he wants to leave as badly as I want him to stay. If I think about THAT too much, I will become sad so I will move on.
I have a whirlwind of questions as Austin plans his future.
1) Will he actually decide to value school and study?
2) Will he control his temper?
3) Will he stay away from life's temptations (i.e. drugs, alcohol, gambling, etc...)?
4) Will he take his medicine everyday without me reminding him?
5) Will he remain faithful to God, attend church and trust in God?
6) Will he miss his friends terribly?
7) Will he be sad?
8) If he has a problem, will he let it eat at him instead of telling his parent?
9) Will he want to come home?
10) Will he miss us as much as we will miss him?
I'm sure if Austin read this list he would roll his eyes and maybe even sigh a deep sigh. He would view this as my lack of faith in him. But it's not. I guess it is pure fear. You think you have raised them right, but you never know until they are gone. Maybe it's my lack of faith in how we have raised him.
I don't want him to jeopardize any of his chances for happiness (hence the list of questions). I'm not ready to let him fall on his face. I'm not ready to "let him fly" because he may be too proud to let us know he needs us. And, we need him.
I have also come to realize that, as parents, we get comfortable in the driver's seat. We get used to being the safety net. You love these kids so much that it is painful to even THINK of releasing them to a world you are not supervising.
No, I'm not liking this one bit.
AND I DO QUOTE:
The cross is the greatest example of humility and devotion in the universe. Jesus put your needs ahead of His own. He considered you more valuable than Himself. - Chip Ingram
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
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4 comments:
Val, this totally made me think of my first year away at college. I am my parents' first - hence, the first to go away to school. I wanted to go so badly, and then when I got there, I was so homesick I wanted nothing more than to go home. My parents would hear nothing of it. My mom even at one point told me I had to stop calling home every day - it was getting too expensive. I thought they were so terrible to not let me come home. It wasn't until years later that I realized it hurt my mom to tell me I couldn't come home as much as it hurt me to not be able to come home. But today, I'm a better person because they made me stick it out and overcome my fears. Have faith, it'll be a transition for you both. But, I believe you will make a huge difference for your son even if he's not living in the same house with you. Thanks for reminding me of this story, too. I'm going to use it in my "Because of You" book! :)
I love you, Jen Forbus! :)
Val--
You are a great mom and you just have to have faith that things will turn out as it is supposed to. I know you have done a superb job with him--and you will look back at this post someday and laugh! He is a wonderful young man, and I am proud of you!
Big hugs--
I love you!
Val,
Funny that several of these same questions crossed my mind while sending Nicholas off to Kindergarten this year! It is so frightening sending them off!! I can't even imagine how you are feeling, but I do know you are one of the most amazing, wonderful & supportive Mom's I have ever met! If I can raise my children half as well as you have I will be pleased!!
Big Hugs!!!
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